Have you ever gazed at a starry sky and asked yourself: "Why am I here? What is my purpose in the grand scheme of things?" One incredible gift has come out of my quest to know God. I have discovered the "bigger picture" of my life. I now see the stars in the sky as guiding lights of clarity as I Awaken to my reason for living to be inspired by Soul, and to inspire others by telling my story from my Soul's perspective.
My life, like yours, has been full of ups and downs, twists and turns. Up until recently, my two most loyal companions were suffering and denial. Who would ever have guessed that telling the Truth about what I despised most in myself, in my family, and in humanity would lead me to my Divinity! Is it serendipity? No. It is me taking responsibility for my life. The events and circumstances of my life have not changed, but taking responsibility for them has changed my perception of them.
One very powerful Soul Agreement I chose was a manic-depressive illness. The stigma of mental illness, although diminishing, is still alive and well in western culture. It is difficult enough to be in a chronic chemical depression without also being judged as weak or flawed. Add to that the shame of my uncontrollable behavior and my own debilitating self-criticism, and I had a perfect recipe for self-destruction and annihilation. Is it any wonder that I might view suicide as God-sent? The paradox is that it took my flirting with death to fully embrace life.
The last five years have been a miraculous journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and Self-Love. I learned to listen to and trust my Soul. I learned to break through my destructive mommy/daddy patterns. I learned to take responsibility for my actions by living as the creator of my life, rather than being the victim. It has not been easy, but with Love and support, I have come to a place of balance and well being that I have never known before.
I no longer see shame, self-doubt, and self-loathing as the Truth of my Being, but as the Big Lie they truly are. Instead of being a caretaker for others in order to gain self-worth, I am taking care of myself by giving myself permission to be all that I am. Instead of denying my gifts from God, I am using them to express the Truth of my Being 24 hours a day. The result is the release of resentment and blame. I am now sharing myself with others from a more intimate and satisfying Soul-centered place. I no longer need to give myself away in order to be loved. I am simply loved for being me.
My life is rich and full. It is not because of what I am doing, rather how I am Being. As a mother, I experience my children as true gifts from God. They show me the Love that I am. I have a partner with whom I share a Conscious Relationship. We have come together to grow and remind each other of God, which we are. I have friends who honor the gift of true friendship. I am at a whole new stage of relating with my birth family. I am now sharing myself, rather than taking myself away. I see my mother and father and their love for me in a whole new light. My sister and I have become as one. Life has become the blossoming of the fruit on the vine. I am discovering who I am, and what is possible in my world as I live from a place of acceptance and Love. From a place of gratitude I am surrendering more and more to Divine Order and Divine Love. Everything is simply a Divine Set-Up for me to remember I am Love.
Through prayer and being in The Silence, my Soul has revealed to me what Soul agreements I chose and why. I chose the path of suffering and denial in order to learn Compassion and Self-Love. What was once an enormous cross to bear has become a doorway to Awakening, my pathless path to peace and freedom. Blessed am I who has Awakened to my purpose in life.
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