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Listening Out Loud

It began as a still, small voice from Soul. "Awaken and Love."

"No, I can't. I'm afraid," I cried. My ego was terrified. Negative rules and admonitions learned from my family began to bombard me.

You are so naive.
Do what has worked before.
Be practical.
You are always following some weird idea. Grow up!
Don't embarrass me.
What will others think?
You aren't capable of striking out on your own.
You'll get into trouble and come running home to be rescued. Don't count on it!
You'll fall flat on your face.
You'll look like a fool.
I'm telling you this for your own good.

Years passed. My parent's edicts found fertile ground in my desire to please them and, hopefully, gain their love. My dependence on Mom and Dad was transferred to my husband and then my children. When would it be my turn to blossom? Did I have a Soul worth listening to? Did I have the ability to act on my Soul' guidance? Was I capable of growing into a person who believed deeply enough in "Divine Love" to become that Love?

Where and when did the idea of Divine Love become so compelling that I joined others who were also searching for Love through Awakening? Divine Order was in place as I attended a weekend workshop that changed my head-in-the-sand attitude. I found others who heard the same Voice. I started to trust that Voice. I discovered I had the courage to move through my fears, if only for a moment. I learned that fear is the withholding of Love from myself and usually another.

The Voice continued to guide me. I continued to change.

Yes, I still occasionally ignore the Voice within, my Soul's guidance. I follow old patterns and drop back into inertia. I experience doubts and fears. I chastise myself, much as I remember being chastised as a child. However, as I strengthen my spiritual muscle, I pay greater attention to my Soul's Voice. I hear it vibrate in every part of my Being, with all my senses.

I invite my Soul's guidance often enough to keep me moving toward Awakening. I listen, even in the dark times, to the messages Soul has for me. Instead of hearing the negative decrees from childhood, I now pay attention to Soul's Voice. Soul tells me…

I am enough.
I am worthy.
I am Love.

Of course ego chimes in with…

You will never do it right.
You are going to fall flat on your face.
You need to stay in control.

I yo-yo between these ego statements and the sweetness of Soul's Love and Wisdom. I hear Soul's hum even when I forget Soul's verbal message of Love. Soon the hum is accompanied by a ditty reminding me to:

"Row, row, row my boat
gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream".


So I keep rowing and singing. Laughter replaces solemn obligation. Now I say "Yes" to my Soul. Now I hear "Love is all there is." Soul expresses, "Your Love is the most powerful thing on the planet." I trust my Love. I trust my Soul.

I still have periods of self-doubt, self-sabotage, and self-loathing. Thankfully, those moments are fewer and fewer. I am grateful to Soul. I recognize I am Love and always have been. I heed Soul as it speaks to me from deep within my Heart. I hearken to the reverberating message of "God is Love". I hear this Love speaking moment to moment through the Voice of my Soul: as loud as the crashing of waves and as resonant and passionate as a Love song.

Soul speaks. I listen out loud.

 


 

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Awakening Change/Transformation
Ego Love
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